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March 2010 = Hell

What a month! Felt relieved letting out everything replying Ayah’s email. Now let’s see how everything goes. My mind, body and spirit could take anymore of this whole thing. Perhaps yoga is my answer.

what a bitch

I hate using words like bitch, fuck, etc. I’m a very patient person. But when my family is being such a BITCH, that’s the only word which can describe her. You only look for me when your beau is not talking to you. You only look for me when there’s nobody to watch movie with you. I know I’m family and I’ll always be there but I have feelings. I’m human. Please treat me like one. If you’d like me to do something, why can’t you just say it nicely. I would’ve done it without questions. But because you’re being such a bitch, I don’t think I wanna do it anymore. Why is it that you can be so tolerant with your friends and not with us? Instead, you only show your true self (bitch) when you’re with us by throwing a tantrum and say out all the bad words just because we’re family and we can’t leave you. I hate you for putting me down. I hate you for doing this to me. How is it that you can forgive an outsider who calls you a bitch and all the other things but could not even tolerate the minor things we do. Being around her makes me sad these days. Sometimes I feel that she doesn’t want me anymore because she has all her friends. I feel like I’m a burden. Think positive. Hopefully positive vibrations will come my way.

a dream

I had the weirdest dream EVER! The movie seemed so real. It was a cross between Da Vinci Code but everything’s about Islam and some city girl becomes spiritual kind of movie. Then, there were puzzles, lots of them. The type of puzzles where if I didn’t solve correctly, I’ll be burned alive or something. Oh yea, don’t forget the death. Someone died too because she tried to stop me. Actually, she was the one who was supposed to solve the puzzles and gain some treasure. Instead, I was asked to do it instead of her. She got angry and somehow got drowned in an olden day pool where people take their wudhu’. It was scary and weird.

"I’m a strong woman, I like being strong. I can’t change the way I am. If you don’t like it, please leave."

Charlotte, Private Practice

Patience is a virtue you don’t seem to have lately. You should continue using the mask which you’ve always put on in front of others when you’re with us because sometimes, I just can’t take the “slapping” of your sharp words anymore.

Patience is a virtue you don’t seem to have lately. You should continue using the mask which you’ve always put on in front of others when you’re with us because sometimes, I just can’t take the “slapping” of your sharp words anymore.

this song has a calming effect on me

letting go

I’m finally letting go. I’m happy to know that you’re happy. But I can’t help wondering if you’re still thinking about me..

Someday - Algoinnayo (Do you know)

excessively repeated for over 400 times.. I love the melody. keeps me going through such a stressful month